Man comes home and finds his wife with his friend in bed.
He shoots his friend and kills him.
Wife says 'If you behave like this, you will lose ALL your friends.'

A small boy wrote to Santa Claus, 'Send me a brother.'
Santa wrote back, 'SEND ME YOUR MOTHER.'

Husband asks, 'Do you know the meaning of WIFE? It means 'Without Information Fighting Everytime'.
Wife replies, 'No, it means 'With Idiot For Ever'.'

Teacher: 'Do you know the importance of a period?'
Kid: 'Yeah, once my sister said that she missed one, and my mom fainted, dad got a heart attack and our driver ran away.'

A young boy asks his Dad, 'What is the difference between confident and confidential? '
Dad says , 'You are my son, I'm confident about that. Your friend over there, is also my son. That's confidential. '

Husband: 'When I get mad at you, you never fight back. How do you control your anger?'
Wife: 'I clean the toilet.'
Husband: 'How does that help?'
Wife: 'I use your toothbrush.'

Wife: I wish I was a newspaper, so I'd be in your hands all day.
Husband: I too wish that you were a newspaper. So I could have a new one everyday.

Doctor: Your husband needs rest and peace. Here are some sleeping pills.
Wife: When must I give them to him?
Doctor: They are for you.

Wife: I had to marry you to find out how stupid you are.
Husband: You should have known it the minute I asked you to marry me.

Husband: Today is Sunday and I have to enjoy it; so I bought three movie tickets.
Wife: Why three?
Husband: For you and your parents.

Wife: What will you give me if I climb the great Mount Everest?
Husband: A lovely push.

Q: What is the most effective way to remember your wife's birthday?
A: Just forget it once and you will never forget it again.

Thanks to Sheu for passing this on. =p

During a visit to the mental asylum, I asked the director how he determines whether or not a patient should be institutionalised.

"Well," said the director, "We fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub."

"Oh, I understand," I said. "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup."

"No." said the director, "A normal person would pull the plug.  Do you want a bed near the window?"

SO... WANT THE BED NEXT TO MINE?

LOL. Well, actually my first thought was to just refuse point blank. Huh. Where would that put me? In a juvie for being recalcitrant? XD

THE WATER PIPE BURST!!!”

And as I rolled onto my back, pushing my hair out of my face, and squinted at her, she continued in a rush, whilst I groped for my glasses on the chair next to my bed, “The pipe below the kitchen sink! There was a ‘pop’ sound when Loga was washing her hands, and then suddenly got water everywhere! What to do ah? Do you know who to call??” Ghostbusters. But, the poor child looked quite traumatised, so I fought gravity, the evilly (at that point) comfy Sultan mattress from Ikea, and my fluffy duvet and bolsters to stagger to my feet and plod downstairs to the second floor.

Mazel tov. It was the bloody hot water pipe that had ruptured. The cheapo owners used plastic O-rings (I think that’s what it’s called) instead of metal, so that crack and subsequent eruption was just waiting to happen. Oh the drama. The kitchen tiles were wet; the dining area’s carpet was flooded; and somehow the water started pouring down the walls outside the apartment, until my neighbour came urgently knocking on the door, as she had noticed it and was worried that someone had drowned in the bathtub. I kid you not. And since Loga and Eliane had an exam in 50 minutes, sleep-deprived moi was going to be the only one home to handle the situation. *sigh*

I had to attend to SO many people, multiple times that morning- the electricians, the plumber, the carpet people, the rental agents, the housing body corporate, etc. (>_<) I had so much exercise, I felt like I was in a triathlon, running up and down three storeys worth of stairs to open the door for them again and again. Needless to say, I was not a happy camper.

By the time the last person left late in the afternoon, I was ready to drop dead. But did I get to rest? Nope. Since it was a Friday, after their exam was over, they went to the city with Weiqi, and wanted me to meet them at Southbank to watch that Drew Barrymore movie Whip It.

I was so tired. Why oh why, didn’t I just say ‘no’? Probably because they had asked me a few times in the past week for other outings and I had other things on, so I feel terrible when I have to say ‘no’ and feel obliged to agree to whatever comes next. I really dislike that about myself. It makes me resent people when the fault is not theirs. After all, I do have free will. AAANYWAY, emo-pseudo-analysis aside, I rushed there, and managed to make it in time for the movie with nary a few minutes gone past. But when I reached, and called them, what irked me was that they had apparently just got on the CityCat ferry from the city and were only now making their way to Southbank. I waited there for a solid 20 minutes before they arrived. Of course, by then, there was no point watching the movie with practically 1/3 of it over, and neither were there any other movies with later timings.

Basically, I had rushed to Southbank for nothing. As we stood outside the cinema deliberating where to go, Eliane really felt like going dancing and she remembered that Carol had said something about a ‘Reiji’ party tonight at the club, Mystique, in the Valley. Loga (weary after her exam) and I (look above) didn’t want to go, saying we couldn’t possibly go dressed like this (converses and jeans), we were too tired so we’d only sit there, etc, but after much whinging and prodding we finally gave in (lesser of two evils). So we went home to dress.

To catch the last train to the Valley, we had to leave in an hour. Carol and the rest would be meeting us directly at Mystique. Hearing that she only had an hour before meeting Weiqi again at the station, Eliane squawked and rushed ahead of Loga and me. hehe

I switched my outfit in 10 minutes and proceeded to read Supernatural fanfic whilst waiting for the other two. But the events of the day were catching up to me. My eyelids felt really heavy, and my Sultan mattress was crooning a siren’s song. So I decided to rest for a bit. After all they still were not done and we had about 40 minutes before we had to panic about not making it to the station in time. So I took off my heels, set my cellphone alarm for 35 minutes and the instrumental playlist on my WMP on a loop, switched off the light, and lay back with a sigh, closing my eyes to the soothing strains of Loreena McKennitt’s The Mystic's Dream. 35 minutes later...

“UH OH! I REALLY WANTED THAT THING! I JUST WANT TO—”

Reaching for the phone to turn off Mirah caterwauling Garden, I got up and padded over to their room at the end of the corridor in my stockinged feet. They were still not ready. We were doomed. Loga was almost done wearing her makeup, but Eliane was still in the shower. Heaving another sigh, I told them to come wake me up when they were done, figuring we would be taking a taxi again, and was lulled back to sleep by the guitarist's lovely strumming in La Romanesca.

I realised another hour had passed when Loga opened my door at 1am, waking me. We went down through the garage where the cab they had called for was waiting just outside. On the way, we picked up poor shivering Weiqi at the Toowong High Street bus stop, and finally reached Mystique at 1.20am.

“Haaaaaaallelujah! You have a message from God! Haaaaalle—”

I had messaged Carol before we left to apprise her of the situation and to tell her that we were on the way; and she replied saying that she, Florence, Max, Julian, Queenie and Keith were on the raised platform just past the doors on the left.


We found them without any trouble (Carol’s very good at precise directions ^^) even with the place being packed to the rafters. There went Loga’s and my plan to sit in peace whilst everyone else danced. There was barely room to move, much less sit. Good thing the music was excellent (proper R&B, not that rubbish Trance), so as weary as we were, we did feel like dancing after a while.

Carol, Loga, Eliane, Weiqi, Keith, and I squeezed our way past gyrating bodies to a spot on the dance floor, where as usual, we danced in a circle and pulled into the middle, anyone of us who was getting harassed by outsiders.

With Keith dancing right next to me and the raised platform on my other side, one would have figured that I was probably in the safest position out of all the other girls in the group, right?

Apparently not. After the day that I had, getting my derriere groped was the final straw. It really pissed me off.

Seeing Keith next to me, most guys had asked him first if I was available, which was the polite thing to do, especially since none of us girls were dancing with anyone outside our circle. But nooooo. This @#$%^&$ creep (once before, he had started dancing closer behind me, but Loga noticed what he was doing and pulled me to her out of his reach) thought that he was above that.

It was quite a dramatic moment. Almost movie-worthy, if I do say so meself. I furiously snapped my head around to face him, tresses flying out and whirling a second later, and gave him a narrowed-eyes-smouldering-with-back-off-if-you-want-to-keep-your-family-jewels-you-douchebag-glare-of-death.

It was almost amusing after that. His lecherous, laughing expression faded, his eyes widened (in terror, I hope), and his face seemed to pale even in the strobe lights before he and his friend fled. Heh.

RAWWWRR! I IZ FIERCE!

Don’t think he had ever handled a violent Indian female who towered over him in her 2-inch heels. *evil chuckle*